Friday, 29 January 2016

Avoid heartbreak: Eight questions to ask him before getting serious

When you are single, you tend to test every method in the book to grab his attention.


You show a bit of cleavage, wiggle your behind: tunechi-like or the giganteum posteriors while walking in front of him, smile sexily to convey ‘wickedness’; or sheepishly to communicate naivety, bite and push your shiny scarlet lips in a manner which will make Dita Von Teese look like Virgin Mary.

All these to make him forget the long-term intention of your actions, but to promptly pounce on the kill!

However, when it comes to getting to know someone properly for relationship purposes, keep in mind that: Just because they are hot doesn’t mean they are a perfect fit for you.

Successful relationships involve people who fit together seamlessly, because people who are a match have similar perspectives in life.

Honestly, the last thing on your mind when you get to know someone and they continually get on your nerves will be how hot they are.

Avoid heartbreak: Eight questions to ask him before getting serious
Instead, you’ll be thinking “goodness, how did I even agree to date this wimp?”

The coating in a person is important in the beginning. However, after six months of courting, when the dopamine wears off, it’s the values which hold you together.


Here are eight questions you can ask before investing your heart in a man, preferably within the first two weeks of dating.

How old are you?
My second girlfriend, whom I met in my campus days, left me after she realised she was two years older than me – after a whole two years of dating.

Two may look small, but I have come to understand it’s massive. Now, she is married and has a child who is almost joining pre-unit.

Lesson learnt: You’ll have more in common if he’s from the same generation. If she (my ex) was younger, who knows? I could be tying the knot with her next year, ha!

Have you ever been in love?
Again, before I met the woman who swept me off my feet for the first time, I had played with delicate hearts – I thought I was the love champion; kumbe I was simply an amateur, as I came to learn later.

The lady who asked me this question, Beryl, wanted to know if I could sacrifice or if I was selfish.

True, this question helped her know she’d worn and won me!

Note: most men lie they have never. Keenly observe how he picks his calls, texts – it can tell you a lot.

Do you have kids?
Kids generally are a financial burden; so if you expected to be flown to Ole Mara Kempinski for dinner every other Saturday by that new lad who earns a five figure salary with a string of three kids preying on his payslip, then you better review your expectations if you want the relationship to work.

Add: “Do you see your kids (if he has)?” This will help you know if he is the responsible, caring type.

If he doesn’t have children, ask: “Do you want kids in the future?” – This would inform you if he’d want to have a family – if his answer is no, then know that man is out to have fun.

Why did your last relationship end?
I remember being asked this question by my previous girlfriend, and I hurriedly told her how the other woman was nagging, emotionally immature and lacked understanding – I knew I was lying: she caught me cheating on her with her friend so she ditched me without second thought.

Ladies, pay attention to his response, if he does play the blame game like I did, then that guy could be on a mission to ‘hit and run’ and narrate the same script to another woman about you.

However, if he gives an honest portrayal of both parties doing wrong, then that man is mature – abeg, kill him with love!

Have you been tested for STDs in the past six months?

Girlfriend, know how you go about this, lest he thinks you want to ‘infect’ him.

This question will inform you on: if he cares about his sexual safety.

If he has never been tested for STIs, then chances are high he will never care about your sexual health.

What are your views on sex before marriage?
If he opposes your values, it’s a non-starter, if he’s going to change, he will change at the beginning.

Watch out on how he touches, converses with you in private – some men are so cunning!

They know where to press to render you motionless, breathless – and within no time, your knickers will be down on his bedroom floor, and he will be snapping his fingers; telling his friends: “Girl number ten, down!”

Have you invested your finances in any venture?
If he has invested in assets (like a house) he is more likely to invest in you and a family.

Do you watch porn regularly?
If he does, be sure he imagined you sprawling on his bed, and doing all those blue-film nonsensical fantasies on you; even before he decided to visualise you as a potential girlfriend – chances are high this kind of a man objectifies women, and has no long term intention with them – never fall prey of such egocentric characters.

Under this question, you can squeeze in his sexual history.

Beware: asking these questions all at once, may feel like an interrogation and that’s a real turn off.

Try and be natural as if they just slipped into your mind.

Some of them (questions) may seem full on, but one of the signs that he wants to take things seriously, is that he will be open and honest with you.

However, avoid asking him anything to do with his salary, unless you want to come across as a blatant gold-digger.
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